Thursday, January 18, 2007

Isn't it amazing...

where life can take you when you let go of the expectations you have of it? I was just thinking on my way home from work that I would never have expected to be a mortgage planner's assistant. But here I am. I also didn't think I'd be a mommy. Or married to Morgan.
At one time I thought I would go to law school after college. Then I decided I was going to be an industrial hygienist. But failing trigonometry put a kabosh on that! Then I somehow decided I was going to be a teacher. I love teaching. I just decided I would teach here at home for awhile. Maybe someday I'll go back. But right now I am happy with my life. Yes, we live on 1 income but it's working out. I've learned to get by one less scrapbooking stuff! And selling a little CTMH stuff and a few handmade things on the side provides a little play money.
I think what I'm most surprised at sometimes is my marriage. I was not good with boys for a long time. Well, mostly I couldn't decide! It turns out the indecision didn't have much to do with them. It was mostly me. I was trying to be someone I wasn't. And that's what I love about Morgan. I can be myself with him. I don't have to pretend to be funny all the time or clean and dressed up all the time. He loves me even if I'm still wearing my pajamas when he comes home from work. And he accepts all of my quirks and flaws. Which are many!
He's not the man I thought I was going to marry. That man is probably still trying to make enough money to be happy. And I'm guessing he's still not happy. Which didn't have anything to do with me either. I was engaged when I was 22. A junior in college. Very naive. Idealistic. And still a little impulsive. My mom was very upset by this and didn't talk to me for almost 2 weeks I think. But the thing about being engaged was that we never really discussed planning a wedding or being married. Now that I look back on it, and hind sight is always 20/20, we were both looking for something the other couldn't give. We had to find it in ourselves first. And when we broke up I wasn't really sure where my life would go. I couldn't envision myself with him, but I couldn't envision myself without him either. But I found my way. And I have to say that I am a stronger, happier, and more content person because of it.
Vee had this quote on her blog:

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
— Joseph Campbell

I am a planner. It's hard for me not to do it. I had all kinds of ideas about how my life would be when I was younger. And now the idea is mostly that I want to be happy. Do something that pleases God. And be a kind and forgiving person.

And that's enough deepness for me! Now I think I'll finish watching Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. Where I can just gaze at the beautiful Josh Duhamel!

6 comments:

Maureen said...

Wow, very good post...I too, was just being retrospective and thinking about a few "what if's" ...not in a bad way, but life goes by so quickly, I wonder what would have happened had I made a few different choices.... hmmm...may make a good scrapbook page one day!

EquineSpirit said...

Great post! That really got me thinking too. Hmmm....I might have to blog about the thoughts I'm currently thinking....LOL!

Gina said...

Fabulous entry, Heather. You seem so grounded and content. What a great place to be!

Noelia said...

Great post about your reflections and thoughts. Morgan and Owen are lucky to have you. My life didn't turn out the way I had planned it but in so many ways it ended up being better. I never thought I would be a SAHM but here I am, loving every other minute of it ;)

Aimeslee Winans said...

Well, what man wouldn't want his wifey greet him dressed for bed? ROFL

Great post but I'm confused. Are you a mtg planner's assistant or staying home? When did you get a new job?

Yup, I'm always a day late to the party....please help a clueless girl out! LOL

Bonita Rose said...

what a wonderful post Heather.. loved it.