When I read Bonnie's post on 2P's this am about the challenge for todays blog I knew exactly what I would write about. Owen's birth. Or his arrival I should say. I was not excited about his birth. Well, I was, but I was also scared!! I know lots of people are excited about the arrival of a child. They should be. It's a miracle. But I didn't always feel that way. Not really. It's amazing how people are created. But I was not going to be a mommy. I'm not a kid person. Yes, I taught elementary school for 8 years. I was a good teacher. My students liked me. I really think I was good at what I did. But I was not a kids-in-my-house sort of person. I like things neat. Organized. Not BROKEN. Kids just seemed like the opposite of all of that. I didn't want my life to change. I didn't want life to not be about me. I thought kids would be a drag. I really thought that. And then, for some reason, my mind changed. Maybe it was Morgan. Maybe it was Ella, my best friend's daughter. Who also was not a kid person. Or my neice and nephews. I can't really put my finger on what changed. But something did. And I thank God every single day. Owen is our own little miracle. Our little bundle of sweetness. I can't explain or put into words how I love that child. My child. I never thought I could feel this way about another person. After we brought him home I cried. A lot. I'm not much of a crier. I cried a lot during my pregnancy too. But after we came home it was nuts. Crazy nuts. I was so worried about everything and my hormones were just whacked out. I had an easy pregnancy. Labor on the other hand was a bear. 36 hours, a c-section, a hemorrage, and a transfusion. Oh, have I mentioned I'm a pansy. I HATE needles. I feared having a c-section. I was terrified. I never thought it would happen to me. I was sure that since God made women for this task I could do it. I read books. I trained. I was prepared. I was so naive. And the first two weeks were so hard. SO HARD. Nothing prepares a woman for motherhood. Not all the books about it. Not all the advice from other mothers. Or your own mother. You have to do it. Jump in. Both feet. I'm glad I did.
Now that Owen is almost 6 months old I can reflect and see what I have learned. And it's more than I learned in 21 years of schooling. On the job training. Everyday I learn something new. But something he has given me is the ability to live in the moment, everyday. I'm not looking forward to something. Like Thanksgiving or Christmas break. Or the weekend. Part of that is staying home with him. If I worked I would be looking forward to being with him. I don't have to look forward to it. I am with him. When he goes to sleep. When he wakes up. When he rolls over. When he laughs and smiles. When he cries. I am there. I love that I can do that. It's a sacrifice but it's one that I, we, made a choice to make. On the nights I work and Morgan has to put him to bed and read him his story just the two of them, I miss them. I miss the routine. Another sacrifice. But they also need, deserve, some time together. And I deserve some time to be valuable somewhere else.
I'm so glad, excited everyday, that I choose to do this. Be a mommy. Love a child of my own. This child.
Stephen Covey said "begin with the end in mind." I want to raise Owen to be a happy, healthy, polite, kind, God loving, respectful man. So each day I keep that in mind. I do my best to help him in that direction. It's my job. The most important one I will ever do.
All the things I was worried about before I became a mommy don't matter now. Even losing the baby weight is second to enjoying time with my baby. My biggest fears in life used to be gaining weight, growing old, and dying. Most days, I don't really give my fears much thought. Yes, I still value being able to be me. Just Heather. But I can do that and be Owen's mommy and Morgan's husband. I'm not afraid to take some time for me. But I will always come back to being the mommy.
Now that Owen is almost 6 months old I can reflect and see what I have learned. And it's more than I learned in 21 years of schooling. On the job training. Everyday I learn something new. But something he has given me is the ability to live in the moment, everyday. I'm not looking forward to something. Like Thanksgiving or Christmas break. Or the weekend. Part of that is staying home with him. If I worked I would be looking forward to being with him. I don't have to look forward to it. I am with him. When he goes to sleep. When he wakes up. When he rolls over. When he laughs and smiles. When he cries. I am there. I love that I can do that. It's a sacrifice but it's one that I, we, made a choice to make. On the nights I work and Morgan has to put him to bed and read him his story just the two of them, I miss them. I miss the routine. Another sacrifice. But they also need, deserve, some time together. And I deserve some time to be valuable somewhere else.
I'm so glad, excited everyday, that I choose to do this. Be a mommy. Love a child of my own. This child.
Stephen Covey said "begin with the end in mind." I want to raise Owen to be a happy, healthy, polite, kind, God loving, respectful man. So each day I keep that in mind. I do my best to help him in that direction. It's my job. The most important one I will ever do.All the things I was worried about before I became a mommy don't matter now. Even losing the baby weight is second to enjoying time with my baby. My biggest fears in life used to be gaining weight, growing old, and dying. Most days, I don't really give my fears much thought. Yes, I still value being able to be me. Just Heather. But I can do that and be Owen's mommy and Morgan's husband. I'm not afraid to take some time for me. But I will always come back to being the mommy.
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