Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Thoughts for Tuesday...

I taught for 9 years and I can honestly say I never got bored. Frustrated, irritated, angry, yes, but not bored. As a SAHM I'm bored a lot. In addition to the frustrated, irritated and cranky. As with teaching, there are lots of fun times too. But the part I struggle with most is the boredom. I've read in several books that it's okay not to like playing cars all day or trains or pretending with stuffed animals. I get that. I've gotten over it. But what do I do about the boredom!? I've come to a point where I either need to change something about what we are doing or get a job. A real job. The kind that requires the use of my brain.

There is some inner turmoil here though. I love staying home for many reasons. I like not having to get up and get ready to go to work. We don't run off to daycare or rush home to pick Owen up from a daycare. We are leisurely. I enjoy that. I like keeping my home clean and doing laundry and being able to have lunch with my mom and sister whenever we want. Going to Target during the day is great. I don't spend countless hours with work I've brought home. Grading papers or writing lesson plans or things like that. I'm not invested in the lives of other children anymore. But there is an element of that which I miss. I don't get to be with other people during the day. I don't get to entertain a room full of children. Just one. And he's much younger than I'm used to. I don't have a room full of materials at my disposal as well as curriculum and specialists for music and PE. I've decided I need to come up with a plan of sorts. However loose it may be, Owen and I need to be doing more. He's learning all kinds of things but I need to figure out how to tap into that and teach him some stuff purposely. Besides "Go Meat!".

My other struggle is that I've always enjoyed spending a fair amount of time by myself. Before Owen was born Morgan and I did a lot of things separately. We were okay with that. Now one of us (ME) does a lot of stuff that I would previously have done alone with someone else in tow (Owen). Like bra shopping. Or scrapping. Or using the bathroom. This alone time has been something very difficult for me to let go of. I knew it would be. I just thought by now I'd have gotten over it. I haven't. In the summers before Owen came along I would spend hours reading a book or taking a nap. Now there are limits on that time (O's naptime) and I just haven't gotten over that. Or accepted it. Or made peace with it.

So if you have ideas for what I can do with my little student during the day I would love to have them!

On a higher note... today is my sister's birthday! She is 28. Which I can't believe. So Happy Birthday Sissy! We'll try and stop over to see you if you aren't too busy!

7 comments:

Lee said...

The monotony is draining. I'm remember it so well. My days were filled with my own children and I have a photo in my kitchen - my "medal" - they were 5, 4, 2 and 1. I had to give up "me" for a few years. I just started getting it back when those ages doubled. It is a grind. I feel for you. Can you trade off days with a friend? She takes two and then you take two a couple of times a week. Or get a mother's helper through the summer to give you a couple of hours of peace during the day?

If it helps, many of us have been there and survived.

Miranda said...

Thanks! Apparently I'm "old" according to B/F.

Midnite Scrapper said...

I have enjoyed reading your blog, but I'm not sure if I've ever commented. I HAD to stop today and say - "It's okay! You are totally normal!" =] I taught for 15 years in a traditional classroom, I am now going on my third year of being a SAHM. I have been homeschooling my 2 oldest and chasing the 2 youngest. You have to make a plan. Just like lesson plans, at first. Seriously. Make a schedule (very flexible of course), but plan little activities and things that you can teach every day. Mothers are the first teachers you're children will ever have anyway. You can teach them ANYTHING. Good luck. Good thoughts being sent your way. =]

Miss M! said...

This is gonna be me in a couple of years, eh? :)

Janet said...

I can certainly understand what you're going thru. Do you have a trusted sitter who could watch Owen for a couple of hours each week? Or have you looked into a playschool or other program for him? There was a community ed program in our community for 2-3 year olds and my daughter loved that. She went a couple of times a week.

On the work side, have you ever thought about substitute teaching? In our community, subs can sign up for "planned" absences so they know ahead of time which days they will work and don't have to get last minute calls. I know former teachers who have really enjoyed subbing while they have small kids at home.

Just some thoughts! Hope you come up with something...sounds like a change may be in order for you. :-)

emily said...

I really enjoy reading your honest thoughts. I don't have children but I have often wondered how I will adjust to the loss of "alone" time. I too really enjoy being by myself and am not sure how hard an adjustment that will be. I am wondering also if maybe you have someone you trust to watch Owen a few hours a week? or maybe eventually working somewhere part-time would be a wonderful "break" and refresh you when you are home with your son?

It's Not Easy Being Green said...

No advice from me as I am a singleton with no kids. Just wanted to say that I saw your butterfly pic on the newest 2ps email about their sale! Did you see it?