It's HERE!

My package from B & H (Hi Henry!) arrived today at 4:24pm as I was working on some digital elements. I took it out and let it warm up a bit as it had been on the truck since 6am. I checked the tracking regularly since I got my e-mail notice!

When I thought it was safe I put it on my camera and tested it out.

Both pictures are unedited. I don't know what happened with the red on the rose but it is NOT that color. I've got a bit of practice to do (and read the manual) to figure out how best to focus. The lens also makes a bit of noise. I noticed this when I picked it up to put it on the camera. Like something is loose on the inside. I don't see anything shaking around inside and it seems to focus fine but I didn't notice this when I tried one out at National. So I'm going to have to check into this.

More macro photos to come. Have a great weekend!

More about the voice...

As I mentioned the other day I am reading this book. (click the picture to go to the site) It wasn't a book that I originally thought I'd get into. When I read the back it didn't sound good to me. But Maggie brought it to book club once and I decided to request it from the library. It came in. I picked it up and because the request line is so long I decided I'd try it as I'd have to return it soon anyway. Turns out I did get into it. But here's the interesting part. After I wrote my post about the voices the other day I got to a part in the book where Elizabeth Gilbert writes about the voice in her head. Or rather the voice that talks to her. It came about when she began praying during a difficult time in her life. And the voice that talked back to her was her own. Just more calm and compassionate. And reasonable. I was stunned by this part of the book. I pray. I am a faithful person. I believe in God. I go to church. I read the bible and try to study it. I try to live the life I think I'm supposed to. But I NEVER hear God talking to me. I believe he works in my life. But I've not once heard his voice. And this angers me. And angers is the correct word here. God and I have a tumultuous relationship. He is patient and kind (and silent) and I am angered and doubtful. It's like this a lot. And I don't pretend that it's any other way. But always I pray and always I wait. And I never hear an answer. And here is where the book comes in. Maybe I'm listening for the wrong voice. On page 15-16 of the book Elizabeth Gilbert talks about this voice. She says, "...it was not an Old Testament Hollywood Charlton Heston voice, nor was it tell me I must build a baseball field in my backyard. It was merely my own voice as I had never heard it before. This was my voice, but perfectly wise, calm and compassionate. This was what my voice would sound like if I'd only ever experienced love and certainty in my life."
At that moment I sat stunned. What a dolt! All this time. ALL THIS TIME! I've been waiting to hear the Hollywood Charlton Heston voice! And the whole time only hearing my own. Sometimes. But it was there. Telling me what to do and how to do it and blah, blah, blah. And I'd been ignoring that voice of reason to wait for the big BOOMING voice. And somewhere else in the book, I can't find it right now to quote directly, she talks about this part. That what if we hear God not in another voice, but in our own inner voice, with reason and compassion and comfort. Sheesh! What good does a master's degree with a crap load of religion classes do!? It's like looking for something on the end of your nose. It's been there all along.

The other part I love is how she converses with this voice. In a journal. She writes. Basically to herself. Yes, a little odd, but really, why write a journal if you don't get any answers?? So I'm going to try it out and see if it helps to talk to myself.

Now I'm off to pack my stuff up for tomorrow's crop. Then tonight I have to shop for something to wear to the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce Gala! I hate shopping for fancy things. I can never find what I want when I want it. Or to fit my body. I've got a cute dress that would be great. IF I were 25 pounds thinner. Even unzipped, it looks bad!

Oh My GOSH!

You have to check THIS OUT. It's called the Nosefrida. It's a nasal aspirator for a child. I've probably mentioned before that I have booger issues so THIS product is not for me. If you could do this than more power to you, you are a strong woman! (Or man. I think Morgan could do it!)

voices...

I have often pondered writing a book. It's actually a dream of mine to some day write a children's book. I have all kinds of ideas and jot things down and have started many short stories. But I have a very short attention span, particularly for writing, so I've never finished any of the stories I've started.

However, I've recently concluded, there may be another reason I can't finish what I start writing. I've heard or read about authors having voices in their heads, the voices of the characters, and they don't go away until they write the story down. I just don't seem to have that problem. The only voice I hear in my head is my own. Oh, occasionally I hear my mom or my grandma or the comment of a friend but those are situational voices. Not a constant nagging voice. There is just my own voice rambling on and on about all kinds of things. Important and not so important. Mostly not so. And to be honest I think I'd be a bit suspicious of "other" voices in my head. Always rambling on and on and telling me what to do. Or not do. I've got enough problems with that with my own voice.

I'm not a prolific writer either. Which is why I'd have to write a children's book. Or maybe just a story for a magazine. It's miracle enough that I made it through my graduate dissertation. They tried to fool us by giving it another name but what else can you call a paper that rambles on and on for pages about the integration of social justice principles into the elementary school curriculum!? Yes, I agree, a dissertation. And perhaps that is another reason why I haven't written a story. I'm still a bit phobic of long writing.

So, if you've got "other" voices in your head, perhaps you should explore writing as a possible career path or a psych evaluation. Maybe that depends on how many voices you're hearing and if they interfere with your daily life. I'm sure the DSMV has some criteria for this.

All by myself...

You have to sing the title of this post, if you know that song. I can't think who sings it. (Maggie?? Do you know??)

Anyway, I love Tuesdays. We have tot class. Today we discussed poo in the parent education part of the class. It was great! Because I didn't have to feel bad about discussing poo with people. They are all moms and all deal with poo. Ah the comfort and safety of like minds....

Tuesday is also swim class. Which Morgan takes Owen to and I get to stay home! Hence the reason I am all alone. So I'm going to spend a few minutes writing and then I'm off for a soak in the tub. I spent Owen's nap doing our taxes and I sat poorly for too long and now my hip is out of whack. Such a pain.

Got a little e-mail from B & H saying my lens would be here Friday. So excited! And yesterday I got a comment on my blog from someone at B & H! How odd is that. They must be able to track when someone posts a link to their blog. Which I find a bit freaky. Because how else would Henry Posner know I was writing about his place! Although I'd like to think I'm wildly popular and have a huge following here on my blog I know it's not reality! And most of the people who read this are women. Actually, they all are, except for Morgan. And maybe Al. But I think Al just read my Funky Photo blog. Anyway, I just though that was odd. So after Friday expect to see everything close-up in my photos! I don't think the flowers are going to make it until then though. So I'll have to get more.

Saturday I am hosting a crop in Mpls. so if you're local and need to get some scrapping done send me a note and I'll get you the info!

Think spring!

Thursday Owen and I went to Trader Joe's and picked up a few things. Including a lovely bouquet of flowers. February and March are the perfect months for fresh flowers in the house because they are such dreary months here in MN! Here are a few shots of the flowers.

Friday night the moon was huge and orange in the sky. But by the time I got my camera and got to a place where I could get a good shot it just looked like the moon. But here it is anyway!

One of these days I'll catch it when it's low in the sky and very big!

We had a good weekend with Morgan's parents. Owen enjoyed having them around to play with and also playing with his cousin who we spent time with also. Nathan is almost 12 but he and Owen play well together.

On the photography front... I decided today to order the new lens! I looked at it again at the camera store last week and tried it out and then read some more reviews online. There is a rebate for it until the end of March and I've been saving up money for it so I decided to just get it. Unfortunately the store I like to get my photography things at here in MN won't match B & H's price completely. So I've decided to order it from B & H. While I want to support the local economy I can't afford to spend $80 more to do so. My FIL has ordered from B & H before and has been very happy with their service and such so I'm fine with going through them.

The lens is a Tamron 90mm Macro. Which will give me a total of 135mm so I can use it for portraits too. I'm more excited about the Macro part. I love close up photography and am hoping the flowers last until the lens comes so I can experiment! I also ordered a replacement lens cap for one of my Sony lenses since I lost it shortly after I got the camera. I have a generic one but it doesn't fit well and I'm worried the lens is getting scratched. So I was happy to see they carried the actual Sony lens caps. They don't stock them but hopefully it won't take too long to get here!

Now I'm off for a nap while O is napping. He's been a busy guy this weekend and tired me out!

On a good day...

This is the big room in our house. The upstairs living room and dining room. We spend the majority of our time here so Owen's toys are on the shelves and his little tent is set up. And on a good day it looks like this.

I love the sun shining in and fresh flowers on the table. It's a very long and rather narrow room and difficult to furnish in a cozy yet neat way. Eventually I'd like to have some ledge shelves on the end by the entry way so display photographs and small artwork.

Just my little sharing for the day. I was taking pictures of the flowers on the table and playing with my medium sized zoom and decided to do some photos of the room whilst clean!

Tub time!

Exactly how long can a child stay in the tub? Good question. Today it was at least an hour and a half.

Owen has been having some intestinal issues and consequently developed a bit of a rash. Which as you know makes for an unhappy boy. I decided a bath with some Aveeno would be good and Owen doesn't protest baths to often. After about 45 minutes I asked him if he was ready to get out and he'd say in his toddler voice "nooo". So I let him be. A little while later I asked again. Some response. He was happy to play with his cups, filling and pouring. I asked a couple more times and he still didn't want to get out. I figured the water had gone cold but it was still luke warm and okay for Owen. The deciding factor came when he had dumped a full cup of water on the floor. Then it was time to get out. He still wasn't thrilled but I finally wrestled him out and into a towel. Then I let him run around and air dry so his bum would get good a dry.

I shouldn't be surprised at his love of bath time. I was a big fan when I was a child too. We lived with my grandparents and everytime someone got into the tub I was right there wanting to get in too. I was usually left to play after the original bath taker got out. While I was pregnant with Owen I spent a lot of time in the tub too. Soaking and watching my tummy move. Maybe that's when Owen developed his love of tubtime. But I think it's a general love for most kids.

Now he's down for a much needed nap. Yesterday he didn't take one even though he desperately needed one so I hope today he gets caught up on his rest. Morgan's parents are in town for several days and I'd like Owen to feel good enough to play and enjoy visiting too.

On a positive note the temperature here is above zero! No more negative numbers for a while! Tomorrow we may even get above freezing! This morning we had to run over to Nikki's because she locked herself out of the house BEFORE going to work! So I warmed up the car, grabbed a blanket, and tossed Owen into his seat without a coat! I will be so glad when we don't have to wear our coats all the time again!

A little inspiration...

Noelia has this great inspiration journal that she keeps. And her journal inspired me to create one of my own. I looked for a sketch book like what she has but decided rather than spending money on a new book I'd use some things I already had to create one.

So I got out my bind-it-all and some heavy weight 12x18 paper I've had for ages and some cardboard from a post office box and made this journal!

I cut the paper down to 9x12 and made the covers 1/8" bigger. I had a bit of difficulty with the bind-it-all as I'm not so good at using it yet. I guess that's okay since I'm learning to let go of things being perfect.

For the front I glued down a piece of newspaper and then masked off the letters with some leftover wall pops stuff and painted over it. Then outlined it with black pen and peeled off the letters to have the newspaper show through. Now I just need to fill it with inspiring things!

Thank you for the inspiration Noelia!

Test results...

I talked to Owen's doctor yesterday about his MRI results. They found an ischemia on a small part of his brain. She emphasized very small. An ischemia, if you don't know (I didn't) is a place where blood has been restricted. It is in an area that could affect his walking. The blood flow is no longer restricted (or they would have kept him) and he is compensating for the injury. His doctor thinks it may have occurred at birth (this is somewhat common) and I have requested records from my labor and delivery for her to review just for additional information. We are meeting with a pediatric neurologist in April to discuss the MRI results further and also what, if anything, we need to do in terms of therapy.

I was a bit surprised when she told me about this. I just didn't think there would be anything. And I was also a bit mad. Why or at whom I am not sure. I was just kind of mad. I guess because something happened to my baby that I didn't know about. Which is what bothers me about bodies. Stuff goes on all the time inside of us and we don't know about it. I like to know about things. Everything. When I brought Owen in initially for this his doctor asked me about his delivery. And Morgan doesn't recall a time during my labor that Owen was in distress. But that doesn't mean something didn't happen. I was in labor for a long time and ended up with a c-section. And I was maybe a bit mad about that too. BUT I can't change what happened and it does no good to dwell on it so I'm focusing on the positives. He is developing normally, he's compensating for the injury, and it doesn't slow him down in the slightest. And whatever can be done to help him, we will do it.

Fun with photos...

After I put Owen down for his nap I decided to do a little walk around with my camera. I haven't had it out much, except to take pictures of Owen, and wanted to play with it a bit.

First is the bread I baked. Morgan made it, I just baked it. Here's the clock on the wall in our kitchen. I changed the wall color. The walls are actually a beige. I felt like it should be red today.

Lastly, the rose Morgan gave me for v-day. Brush and word added in PSE.

All were tweaked in PSE a bit. The bread was just lightened, cropped and the border added. The clocked had the wall color changed. And the flower was lightened and then the brush and word added.

So long warm weather...

This weekend we had decent weather. And now we're back to the colder temps. It's currently 5˚. The average for this time of year is around 30˚. I would much prefer that. I did get to go ice skating with my sister and her BF though. I tried out my sister's hockey stick and yesterday Morgan and I each got our own. Morgan tried his out with my sister and her BF yesterday. I think he was expecting to be better at it than he was. But considering that he didn't grow up ice skating or playing any kind of hockey (floor or ice) he does pretty well. Morgan grew up in Nebraska where I guess hockey is mostly nonexistent. I was not aware of that.

I also worked on a little project this weekend. I'd always wanted to put some words on the walls in Owen's room. But I wasn't sure what words or with what. I'd considered ordering some custom wall rub-ons but they are very expensive. Then I was reading on the Cricut Message Board about these Wall Pops sold at Lowe's. They are like contact paper but not as sticky and there were directions about how to put them through the Cricut. So I got some and tried it out. I'm very pleased with how they turned out.

I choose some lyrics from a Paul Simon song. Morgan loves Paul Simon and I thought they applied well to a little boys childhood.

I used some of the left over Pops from a little inspiration in my craft room.

I also made a memory game for Owen. I found some round chipboard coasters in the dollar bin at Michael's. So I printed up pictures and glued them to the backs of the coasters. I choose things he will recognize so hopefully it will be fun for him.

To celebrate President's Day we had lunch with Nikki. She didn't have school today and brought lunch over. Leann Chin's. So good! So we had a nice lunch and as I was cleaning Owen up he started to cough and then threw up his lunch and breakfast! Nikki is a middle school teacher, which is good because she isn't phased by much, and helped clean up the floor before the dog decided too! Thanks Nik! I really appreciate you! I think he just has a sensitive reflex but he's been throwing up a lot recently. Mostly from just coughing. Thank goodness for water and oyster crackers. No matter what, he will still eat those!

A big sigh of relief....

Owen's test went well. We were a bit late in getting to the hospital due to snow and a traffic incident (not us). The appointment was early 7am. The staff at Children's was great. Very kind, informative, and reassuring. Owen was a brave boy. He left them check him over and see their instruments and when they put the IV in for the sedative he hardly cried. It was difficult for me to see him "out" as he was so limp. But they assured us that he was fine and his vitals were good and stable. The test itself took about 30 minutes and Owen was awake and moving about within an hour of having the sedative. He's not one to be kept down! Now we wait for the results. We were told our doctor should have them by Monday at the latest so I will be calling her to find out. We've an appointment with a pediatric neurologist in April but I would think that if the MRI was fine that it will be unnecessary. Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. We have really appreciated it.

Our Valentine's Day was good. Owen got two new Elmo videos from Grammie. He also got several Valentine's in the mail which is was fun for him. Morgan and I decided we'd both get skates for Valentine's day and he also got me a beautiful rose. We had roast for dinner and Morgan made a scrumptious molten chocolate cake. We'd had some at a restaurant a month ago and it was so good. Morgan's was as good or better than what we had at the restaurant. Better because they're was leftovers! So the macro lens will wait until we get our tax return or our economic stimulus package!

Maureen's challenge today is: Your unfulfilled dreams. Why so?

What a loaded question! Where to begin?

1. A Rockette! And if you know me, you know why! You've got to be well over 5' tall to be a Rockette.

2. A ballerina. Again. Height. And I didn't continue with my ballet training beyond high school. I did modern dance in college but it wasn't part of my major and I just didn't make time to do it.

3. A race car driver. No training and I really don't live in the right state for this dream!

4. An artist. Although it's something I'm working on. I'm just not good at sticking to one medium.

Beyond that I believe dreams are like life. You get out of them what you put into them. I was raised to believe I could be whatever I want to be. And while that might be idealistic I still believe it. People do amazing things everyday at all ages and stages in their lives. There is no reason why people can't realize their dreams. Unless of course you want to be a Rockette and you're only 5' tall! I may be idealistic but I can also recognize when something is just not possible!

A no nap day...

We have not had one of these in a long, long time. And I don't like them anymore than when we had them frequently. I don't know why Owen is not napping today but I tried putting him down 2 times and both times he throws out Elmo and his blankets and then throws a fit about it. So now he's watching Elmo in Grouchland on the couch and eating a rice krispy bar.

Today was Owen's physical for the MRI tomorrow. He's fine to have it done. The only thing that might interfere is his cough. But he's not coughing a lot so I'm crossing my fingers. The doctor said we could reschedule it if I wanted but I'd rather go and do it and hope for the best. It would probably take 3 weeks to reschedule anyway!

Yesterday was our toddler class. I look forward to that every week and I think sometimes we go more for me that for Owen. I get to spend 45-55 minutes with other women who are in the same place as I am and that is so nice. It's funny because I'm the only mom with just one child. There is another woman who has 3 (she's a bit older than I am) and we were talking yesterday about challenges and fun things with our children and she said the oldest one is her challenge and her youngest (Owen's age) is her fun one. And it made me realize that while you become more experienced with the more children you have the oldest is always the oldest and therefore your "experimental" child. You can be a novice and and expert all at the same time. I guess I experienced that as a teacher too but didn't realize it.

Maureen's challenge for today is where do you see yourself one year from today?

Well, hopefully thinner! And mostly done with potty training! Perhaps pregnant, but I'm not planning for that until I have lost the weight I gained with Owen and then some. The truth is I don't see Owen as being an only child but I can't see myself going through all of what I went through with him again. Another c-section scares me and then being depressed and having two children may just not be something I can handle.

I'd also like to have our yard relandscaped and my craft room clean and reorganized PERMANENTLY!

And now I'm off to watch Elmo and read a book.

A little art for Post #300

Today is my 300th post! Amazing that I've kept at a journaling sort of thing for so long. I'm not much for writing and I have a short attention span. But I guess a blog is a little different as you sort of join others in the experience and it's not as private as a journal normally is.

I finished up a little collage that was half done for a few months. Ali Edwards posted a simple collage on her blog this weekend and it was just the right thing for me to see to finish this up. The shadow box is made from bass wood. The dowel and base I got at Michael's. The square papers on the inside are 7 gypsies. The accent around the frame is from Heidi Swapp. The background is wrapping paper I kept from a gift. And the paper lining on the inside of the frame is from the phone book. The second square from the left in the top row and the second square from the right in the bottom row have glassy accent stuff on them to highlight what they say. The first one says "love one small life" and the bottom one says "life glitters".

The base has the same map wrapping paper on it and then crackle glaze around the edge.

I really felt like this little box needed a gnome but I never found one so it turned into something else. I love a finished project.

Alone in the house...

right now. Yes, all by myself. Well, with Ludwig too. But he doesn't do much but sleep and fart. Neither of which make any noise. I just finished working a collage and now I'm wrapped up in a blanket to type a bit. This does not happen very often. And I should really be working on our taxes!
This is a warm fuzzy blanket that used to be my grandma's. And it seems to be unusually warm for as light as it is. Maybe it's the blanket. Or maybe it's because it was my grandma's.

We are back to the deep freeze temps here in MN. I told Morgan the other day that I don't like winter. This is a bit of a slap in the face to him as he loves winter. The more snow the better. And to be honest it's not the snow I mind. Until it gets all dirty that is. But it's the gray and cold. When it's warmer or at least tolerable it's gray. And when it's sunny it's damn cold. Like right now. BLUE as BLUE can be outside and 9˚ with a wind chill of who knows how cold and there is plenty of wind! Tomorrow's high is supposed to be -2˚. The HIGH! It's just not for me. And one would think for as small as I am the blood would circulate well and I wouldn't be cold. But my hands and feet are always cold. Well, not my feet anymore since I got some Mammoth Crocs. But my hands are always cold. I've got a space heater in my craftroom so I can at least be warm in there when I work.

Tonight we are going to Morgan's work party. None of him immediate coworkers will be there though so we will have to mingle with new people. I'm not a good mingler. First there's always the "what do you do?" question. To which I answer "I stay home with our son" and then there's the chit chat about that which the other person usually doesn't have any idea about because they work or don't have children. I was thinking of making something up for tonight though. Like that I was a fashion designer of clothes for women who are short and chubby. Anyway, I just don't like to mingle and chit chat. There will be bowling though, so maybe we can do that rather than chit chat.

Oh, one more thing to share. The other night Morgan says to me, "I've decided for Valentine's Day that you can get the macro lens you want and I will get ice skates." He told me since I didn't get much of anything good for Christmas (this isn't true) I should have that lens. And he really wants ice skates. I think that's one of the things I like about marriage. No pretense. Just put it out there. Here's how it's going to be. Of course not everything is that way. But I like it when gifts can be that way. Don't get me wrong, I like surprises. They just have to be good ones. And in a way, this was a good one! I want that lens just as much as he wants the skates! So everyone's happy!

A little creating...

Even though it was a stressful week I still found a little time to create. I worked on some Valentine's for family and friends.

I used some old Valentine paper I had in my drawer. The circles and the rectangles were on the paper and I just punched or cut them out. The black scallops are a Stampin Up punch that one of the girls I scrap with has. I think I'm going to have to have it. I love circle punches right now. My friend Lori has a bunch of them she lent to me a couple months ago and I've yet to return them. (Sorry Lori!) I've sort of grown attached to them! The scallop on the edge was done with the scallop blade on my Fiskars trimmer.

I'm very happy that it's Friday. I was driving home from work last night and I didn't know what day it was. I really had to think about it. It felt like Monday to me! We got a little bit of snow today but not much and the sun is peeking out a bit. Maureen's challenge for today was about the weather and what we want to do when the nicer weather comes. I'd just like to be able to take Owen outside to play. He's not a real fan of the snow. He doesn't like to walk in it and he doesn't like to fall down and get wet. So we stay in the house. But when the weather is nice he loves to be out.

A new day...

I am happy to say today has been a much better day (so far) than yesterday. Owen woke up last night around 11:45pm fussing and I decided to just let him. He wasn't coughing or banging his head or being hysterical so I just left him. And he went back to sleep. This morning Morgan did not have the alarm set for "heart attack" loud and got up a little bit later. Owen woke up about 6:30am while I was getting in the shower. When Morgan went in and got him he was a bit crabby and eventually started throwing a fit. So Morgan put him down and let him throw a fit. At one point he was laying in the hallway between our room and the bathroom throwing his fit and Morgan and I just continued about our business talking and getting ready and completely ignoring Owen's behavior. He took note of this rather quickly and about 5 minutes later he was done. Morgan asked him if he'd like to have some breakfast and they went into the kitchen where he ate without incident at the table. No food on the floor. No crying. After he finished we colored and played with playdough and listened to MPR. When he seemed tired of that we went in the living room and listened to some of his music and danced. He helped me dust and vacuum and clean up.

I have to give Rachel a huge thank you. She commented on my post yesterday with an offer of help. And being no idiot I took it. She sent me some ideas and book titles and some suggestions for tantrums so this morning I was ready. I requested the books and picked up the one the local library had and began preparing last night. Morgan read Rachel's e-mails so he was ready also. I decided on a spot in the living room where I would put him so he could be mad and have his fits. But we didn't need to, ignoring him worked. This time. And I thought I had been ignoring he behavior, but I think since he's been sick I've been trying to figure out what he needs and that has encouraged the behavior. So now I'm done feeling sorry for him when he's mad. We can't communicate when he's mad.

Now I have a few pictures to share....

Morgan took this one of Owen sitting in the study watching Elmo and eating mashed potatoes on Sunday.

And these are part of my homework from the photography class. The assignment was to use fill flash. I have to admit since I started using a digital camera I have almost stopped using a flash completely. Even before the DSLR. It was just too harsh and made things look awful. But the suggestions from the class were very helpful.

No flash.

Fill Flash

No Flash

Fill Flash

The tip that was the most helpful for me was that you need to put distance between yourself and your subject. It's when you use a flash too close that you get such horrible results. The other part of the assignment was to take some outside using fill flash but we've had maybe 1 day of sun in the past couple of weeks. Oh, and use a human subject. Well, my only human subject during the daylight hours is Owen and he won't hold still for inside pictures let alone outside ones! So I've not done that part yet.

This week's topic is composition. But I've not read it thoroughly enough to post about it.

Now, for a tag from Barbara.

1. You must post the rules before you give your answers.
2. You must list one fact about yourself for each letter of your middle name. Each fact must begin with that letter.
3. If you don’t have a middle name, just use your maiden name.
4. After you’ve been tagged, you need to up-date your blog with your middle name and answers.
5. At the end of your post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and need to read your blog for details).

My middle name is Lynn.

L I am a LIST maker. I love to make lists. I have notebooks devoted to the lists that I make. Projects. To-dos. Packing lists. Books to read. Books I've read.
Y When I was younger I didn't like the YOKE of hard boiled eggs. It was YUCKY. Now I'm okay with it.

N I am very sensitive to NOISE. I have a terrible time concentrating when there is a lot of background noise or especially people talking around me. When I took tests in school the noise of other people's pencils drove me nuts. And open mouth chewers are my biggest pet peeve.
N I am fairly NIMBLE. In body and mind. In my family it's not good to be slow in the head. You'll get left behind. Although I'm usually the one who needs jokes explained!

And as per the instructions I need to tag 4 people. I will choose my sister, Noelia, Dana, and Rachel. I don't think they've been tagged by this before but if so I apologize!

Lastly, Maureen's challenge for today is: When you attend a class or crop do you feel you do more talking then getting projects done?

That all depends on who's there and what I've got to work on. If it's a crop I'm hosting I tend to talk more and help others than work on my projects. If I go to a crop with other people I'm pretty good at getting things done. My downfall is that I like to wander around and look at the stuff in the store! When I went last Friday I didn't get a lot done but it was fun to have a girls night!

Mommy hell...

is where I currently am. I don't know if Owen is still just not feeling well or if it's that he's coming up on 2, or if it's just been a bunch of stuff but he's been a bear. This morning he threw a monster fit (not the cute Elmo kind) for around an hour. I think he was woken up by Morgan's alarm, which was set on the "heart attack" volume setting. I hate that alarm. I hate all alarm clocks actually. I much prefer the natural way of waking up. When you're damn good and ready. 5 am everyday. I'm not a morning person. I think I've mentioned that before. So I wasn't happy to be awake or have Owen awake and mad. Morgan tried to settle him and nothing was working and he had to get ready for work so I had to try. And I tried everything. Nope, nothing. Just more screaming and throwing himself around. I am not good with fits. I don't know how else to convey that. I'm not patient in the face of hysteria. Chaos I can deal with. Fire alarms, drills, emergencies, I can deal with. Not hysterical toddlers. To get to the point I eventually had a little melt down and yelled which didn't help the crying. Then I had a time out to settle down. I don't know if my yelling or my time out did it or if Owen was just getting worn out but when I came out (he was safe during my time out) he was able to let me hold him without flailing. Then we listened to the Dixie Chicks and cuddled a bit. He was dog tired too. Eventually I was able to put him back to bed and go back to bed myself. But after he woke up he was still not right with himself. More fit throwing more crying (both of us). Me calling Morgan and then my mom, in tears for both calls. He finally settled down to watch Elmo and eat dry cereal.

Some days, lots of days lately, I just don't feel like I'm cut out for the Stay at Home Mommy job. I've got a painfully small bag of tricks for a toddler. I can't call his parents when he's being a pain or when he's sick. My discipline system for a third grade classroom is not translating well to toddlerhood either. And then there are the characteristics that I'm seeing in him that resemble the ones I don't like in myself. I'm hoping they even out as he grows.

I try to stay calm. I try to use a calm and soothing voice (while I'm screaming inside) and above all I try to stay consistent in my expectations and our routine. Which is also hard. Somedays it's so much easier to let him do whatever he wants. I'm tired and impatient and not good at toddler play. I want him to be happy and agreeable all the time. I want him to sleep through the night. I want to be a good mommy. Instead I feel like a horrible and lonesome mommy who has no help other than to call Morgan or my mom. Which to be honest is no help at all. I thought about calling the police and telling them I was going to hurt my son just to see what would happen. If they'd come and relieve me for a bit. Let him play with the walkie-talkie for an hour. But they'd probably just call social service. Who'd see the bruise between his eyes, that he got from climbing around at the doctor's office, and assume I'd already hurt him. I need Nanny 911. Or Super Nanny. Just for an hour a day. Or when I am at the end of my rope. Which is just too often right now.

The other day Morgan and I had a disagreement. About what I'm not really sure. But he said something to the effect that I had been gone scrapping the whole night before. I'd had some time out of the house. I just don't know how to explain it to him. It's like being in prison. And you get to go outside a little bit everyday. But then you go back in. And you are still in prison. So it's like you never left. I've never been in prison of course, but I guess that's the only analogy I can come up with. It's just Mommy Hell.

Never a dull moment...

Tonight Morgan called me to let me know he was at the emergency room. But I shouldn't be alarmed as he had only cut the end of his finger off. WHAT!? He had a meeting tonight to prepare for a produce workshop he's presenting in tomorrow (long story) and brought his new sharp knife, which is sharper than he thought! The last time we were at the emergency room it took like 6 hours. So I looked online to see if urgent care was open and what the wait was. I called him back and told him to find out if he could go there instead. The ER is expensive! So he left the ER for UC and called to let me know that the wait was only slightly better but that's where he was at. Morgan is good with a knife but apparently TOO good!

Maureen left me a little note to stop by her blog where I found this!

Isn't that sweet! I was so excited to see it. I strive to provide creative, interesting and funny content here.

I would like to give this rating to the following blogs:
1. Noelia (Maureen picked her too but I must also!)
2. My sister (The Craft Bot. Where you can always get a dose of Wild Hockey too!)
3. GingerKitty
4. Gina
5. Colleen
6. Aimeslee
7. Dana
8. Jill
9. Sabrina
10. Alyssa

I'm sure I can add more to the list but I've stopped at 10 because I can't find the links to the rest that I'd put up if I could!

And Sabrina tagged me to post 7 random/weird things about myself.

1. I'm a little obsessive about things. Not anything in particular it can just happen whenever. Like when I'm vacuuming I have to vacuum everything. It can sometimes get overwhelming but I try to keep it in check by just accomplishing what I can within the time I have.

2. I like Diet Coke with Lime. Not other soda. JUST DC with Lime!

3. I don't like lotion. It makes me feel greasy. As a result my hands get really dry in the winter and tend to crack and bleed. Then I will put lotion on at night.

4. The exception to #3 is my face. I wear Oil of Olay with SPF on my face everyday.

5. I am hypersensitive to smells.

6. I'm also hypersensitive to tags on clothes and fuzzies in my socks (Michele is thinking not the fuzzies again). I don't like it when things don't feel right!

7. I absolutely cannot stand open mouth chewing. And I married a man who does it!

I'm sure there are 20 other weird things I could write about but as I told Sabrina I've just gotten so accustomed to my oddities I don't even notice them anymore!


Meanwhile....

After Owen's nap this afternoon he woke up happy! I was so happy! He played while I put clothes away and didn't get into any trouble or throw a fit. Then he watched Elmo for a bit while I finished making dinner. Which he ate all of with out incident! Whew! Then we went to Target to get snacks for his school and browse. He wanted out of the cart which I agreed to because if I didn't there'd be fit throwing. He mostly stayed with me but it did lengthen the trip a bit. He loves to say hi and smile and wave at people. It's like he's greeting his public! He was also not happy that he didn't get to eat the crackers we bought. I distracted him with Elmo stickers though and that was a bit helpful. Now he's in bed, hopefully for the night!

I'm off to print some pictures for his class tomorrow and then spend some time organizing in my crap, I mean CRAFT room.

I've decided...

I need a wife. Those of you that are SAHM's know exactly what I'm talking about and why I need a wife. I just can't seem to fit into one day everything I want to. If I get my cleaning done I don't get a workout in. If I work in my craft room I don't write on my blog. If I nap I don't get a shower or bath. Ugh! Morgan mentioned today that he should find a personal chef for me so I don't complain that there's nothing to eat. I told him that person should also be my personal trainer and a nanny. Then I decided I just needed a wife!

Owen is still not feeling too good. He's been crabby and disagreeable for about the last 3 1/2 days. Throws food on the floor when it's time to eat. Wakes up coughing and crying in the middle of the night and then throws a fit when we go in to get him. It tries my patience. I'm not good with crying and fit throwing. Morgan stayed home today to help out because he has a meeting tonight and thought it best if Owen and I didn't spend the whole day and evening alone together. We all managed to get a surprising amount of work done too. Owen loves to vacuum and that seemed to have a positive effect on him. After we did some vacuuming he ate a good lunch. Then he did more work (helping daddy) and now is taking a good nap. Morgan cleaned out the breezeway and organized the garage a bit and I was able to get the study tidied up and reorganized a bit. Now if I could just get Ludwig to stop tracking dirt on the white kitchen floor...