Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Hello October!

I can't believe it's already October! But I'm happy that it is! I love October and November. My favorite months. I'm sure you gathered that from my post yesterday. I'm doing a little documenting of my life this week. Inspired by Ali Edwards A week in The Life creative challenge. I may deviate a bit from what her challenge explains but that's mostly because I've not taken the time to read everything she's written about it! I've meant to but I just haven't sat down to do it. I just began taking pictures of things about my life yesterday and will continue to do so throughout the week and jot down some notes about the photos. I'm not a record every detail of my day sort of person. First, it reminds me of how boring my life can be and secondly, at some point during the day I will get behind and when I try to catch up I will forget what I've done during the time that I didn't keep track and then I'll get irritated and just give up. So I'm just going to document the things that I want to and not the things I don't want to!

I spent some time outside with Owen today and took my camera. I haven't been doing that too often lately because he wants to take "pischers" too. And this isn't how I want to do it! Today I made up a few games to get him to stay still and also allowed him to take some pictures too. Which means O looks through the viewfinder and I push the button. Then we look at what he's taken a picture of. Yesterday he took pictures of all the toys he had out. Today we used the SLR and I got to take most of the pictures. The SLR is considerably heavier and doesn't have a live view so he's loses interest quickly. So here's a glimpse of what we saw.

A fall leaf on the sidewalk.
A napping yard gnome. (Part of the "game" to get pictures of Owen!)
And Owen running down the sidewalk!

He likes to pose the gnome by the tree and then I take pictures. He talks to it too. I also get him to run to the tree and back while I take his picture using the action shot mode on the camera. I figure out of the 15 I shoot I should get 1 or 2 that are cute!

Today it was like pulling teeth to get him to wear clothes. My mom says it's in his genes since we are descended from gypsies and they were forced to wear clothes. I don't know where she gets this stuff! In the picture above this is outfit #2. He had on other pants but didn't want to put those back on after I changed his diaper. Mimi actually talked him into wearing the first pair. She was part of the bribe. I told him we could have lunch with Mimi if he got dressed. We had to go to Target. So we met Mimi there for lunch and then did out shopping. We also discovered that Owen is afraid of painted/decorated pumpkins in addition to other Halloween decorations especially anything that talks.

Oh, and prior to leaving for lunch he peed on the bathmat that was 6" from his potty chair before our shower and then he popped in the tub. It was a fun morning. He had also woken up at 3am for a bread snack. I didn't sleep well because I was busy worrying so I couldn't fall asleep. Then Ludwig wanted to go out so I let him out. I couldn't get back to sleep so I watched TV and then ate some cereal (worrying makes me hungry) and then O woke up. Eventually he went back to sleep in our bed.

Then he didn't take a nap. I was battling a headache and really needed a nap so eventually I called Naunee who came over after work to play with Owen so I could lay down for a bit. I didn't fall asleep but I did rest a bit.

The long and short of it is that I spend my nights worrying about getting cancer or someone I love getting cancer or various other aliments or accidents. I spend the daytime worrying about when I'm going to get to consume large quantities of sugar. Both of these activities are putting a damper on my living in the present. Today I was talking to my mom about my nighttime worrying and she asked me if it had gotten worse since Owen was born. Oh boy, yes! I don't think I worried about myself dying before I had him but after it's something that I worry about almost non-stop some nights. I haven't been a good sleeper for years. Either because of headaches or because of a busy mind. But since Owen was born it's a lot of worrying about not being around to see him grow up.

The sugar is my way of coping with the stress and anxiety of my boring life. And it's not that I want something different in my life. I just need to learn to do more with my day. It becomes a vicious cycle. Poor sleep, poor diet, inactivity which leads to being lethargic and then I get stressed out because I'm not eating well and getting some exercise. I think the medication is helping but it's not a cure and I need to develop some skills to deal with myself.

I'm not writing this for pity or attention or whatever but I just feel like if I put it out here I can acknowledge it and then move on from it. Like writing it in a journal. Which is what a lot of my blogging is about. Just a shared journal. Which I think is helpful for me too. The sharing.

Oh, and to help with my coping I've decided to go sugar free for October. I may regret it. Or Morgan may regret it because he'll have to deal with me but I don't do well with moderation of sugar so I thought I'd try to go cold turkey. I sound like a junkie, don't I!?


Lee said...

Good luck with the 'sugar free', my challenge - cutting out the salt and savoury flavours! Don't be too hard on yourself. It really is hard to have one small being demanding your time. I have four and the hardest was my last when he was home and I was mum and playmate. It really is such a short time. Enjoy it and the rest will fall into place :)

jill said...

Great photos and love your take on A Week In the Life. My Mon and Tues are on my blog.

Good luck with the no sugar.

Share anytime ;) I find that sometimes it helps.

Lynn said...

I'm happy to hear that you are doing the "A week in my Life" also. My life is pretty boring also. At least you have O to chase after and give you something to do. I just want to lock myself up and lose the key.
Like Lee said...Don't be so hard on yourself. This too will pass. Sometimes it just takes time.
The sugar thing is going to get you. I've cut out Coffee and that damn French Vanilla creamer! I've got to tell you though, since I did 2 weeks ago.. I lost almost 10 lbs! At least something is working for me and I'm sure it will for you also. Take those little cat naps when you can. They are sooo helpful.
BTW- I look forward to your sharing!