Not so wordless Wednesday...

Here's my image for Wednesday. It's a lotus bud. But I've got words today too. I have a hard time posting a picture and not explaining it. And it's also 4:30am and I've been awake since about 3am and I thought some typing might help. So if this rambles, I apologize!

Today Owen and I go back to school! Tot class starts again. For me fall has always equaled structure. A routine, a schedule, something reliable and predictable. As I've mentioned before, I like staying home because I believe it's good for Owen. It's what is important to our family right now. But I don't always feel like it's what is best for me personally. But all good things usually come with sacrifice, right?

I also have my physical today. And it's not that I'm hoping my lab work or my doctor find something "wrong". I'm really hoping she is able to provide some answers to why I am so tired and feel like such crap most of the time. Although I think I can provide part of the answer myself. Poor diet, lack of good sleep and little to no exercise. Which will most likely be the answer she gives me!

Last night bedtime went a little better than it has been going. Owen still came out of his room twice but Morgan and I were firm with him about either going to the corner without dee-dee or going to bed. He wants to sleep with us. Which doesn't work for anyone! Finally I asked him who he wanted to take him back to his room, me or daddy. He decided on me. So I tucked him back in and told him he needed to stay there and I would check on him later. Which I did, but not until he fell asleep!

Despite his bedtime resistance I find myself wishing he would stay this age for awhile. He's so funny and has so much personality. He's very firm in his convictions. As I'm sure most toddlers are. But I just find this cute. Today we went for a walk with the wagon down to the boat landing. We go down occassionally to watch the boats or the ducks. On the way to the boat landing is the house where three boys live. The youngest is just 9 months older than Owen and they have a dog who will fetch and return. Owen loves the dog and the boys. On the way down he saw the boys and started saying, "Owen go there. Owen go there. Right there Mommy. Right there." If he could have reached me he would have taken my head in his hands and turned it toward where he wanted me to see. I of course knew exactly where "there" was and had to explain that we need to be invited to people's houses first. They also had company so I wasn't going to just stop. On the way back their company was leaving but the boys were also going in the house. Fortunately Owen isn't so adamant that he throws a fit everytime things don't go his way. I told him we would go home and play trains and wait for daddy to come home.

He really likes to play with other kids and I feel bad that I don't have a group of mom friends to hang out with all the time. Although I don't think a lot of moms do that anyway! So our group is the tot class. Also, the woman who lives behind us does daycare and she lets us come over often so Owen can play with the kids. Everytime he hears them outside he yells, "kids, mommy kids, Owen side, Owen side. Kafy's house!" Her name is Kathy.

So I struggle with my desire for order and routine and something to do all the time and the desire for Owen to just be a kid and not have those things imposed on him all the time.

And now that it's 5:00am I think I'll go back to bed!