Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Father's Day...

Having a child makes you no more a parent than having a piano make you a pianist.

Michael Levine
Lessons at the Half way Point

I read this quote on Stacy Julian's website this morning and it got me thinking about fatherhood. There are lots of reasons why I've not be a celebrator of Father's Day until Owen came along. The biggest one is that I don't have one. Not because of immaculate conception or anything. But for the unstated reason in this quote. He was absent. Father's Day was about my grandpa until he passed away. And for a few years probably my step-dad but that ran amuck years ago too.

Not having a father wasn't as difficult for me as one might think. It certainly wasn't cake but there were men who filled in. My grandpa (mainly). My uncle. Friend's fathers who I looked up to. Boyfriends' fathers (who were harder to part with than the boyfriend!). I always knew my father was gone. Because he was always gone. There wasn't a time when he was around and then left. And I always knew (and I'm not sure how) that it was easier for us for him to be gone then to be around. (He was/is not a good person.) And later when my mom and step-dad divorced, I was relieved. Some men are not cut out to be a parent and therefore it is my belief that they should not father children. And I feel I am qualified to make that statement. From my own life experience and my experience as a teacher. The above quote says it all. If you can't do the job don't contribute to the equation.

Now Father's Day is about celebrating the men in my and Owen's life who are great role models. His father and grandfather. To say that I love and respect them as human beings is and understatement. And I am fortunate to have them in my life. And thankful that they are Owen's father and grandfather. Thankful that they are my husband and father-in-law. Because of the choices I could have made to fill these roles, I did pretty well. I didn't have much choice in the father-in-law department but I think I did pretty well in choosing a husband. Stacy Julian also wrote on her blog "It's an amazing thing to share life with an imperfect person that is perfect for you." So true. So absolutely true. Somedays there is nothing more comforting to me than knowing that they person I chose to spend my life with is the right one. A man who is honest and kind and good. Who does a good job loving and caring for us and enjoys his role sas husband and father. not everyday is cake and ice cream but we do it together and that makes it all that much better.

I love you Morgan. You are awesome!


jillconyers said...

Well said Heather. As someone who has worked with children her entire adult life, that quote could not be any truer.

You're right. There is so much comfort (and security) in know you're with "the" one.

Janet said...

What a though-provoking post, Heather. I totally agree with what you're saying. Thanks for sharing your story!