Deep thoughts ahead...

Last week Bonnie Rose posted this blog challenge at 2P's.

Blog about some of the challenges in your life that u are now facing. If any. Be as blunt, or bold as u like.

I've been having difficulty keeping up with writing lately so I'm going back to this because I felt like it was something I wanted to write about.

I try not to dwell on challenges or difficulties in my life. At least not outwardly. I'm not sure why, probably for several reasons, one being my short attention span. And I know that sounds funny but I mean it in all seriousness. I'm not good at paying attention to things for long periods of time ( I did teach third grade you know!) so I'm not good at holding grudges, being mad, or listening for a long time. It's just me. And I also don't think I have a right to complain about things in my life too much because I have a good life. I am very blessed. But when I read Bonnie Rose's challenge I knew instantly what the "challenge" in my life is. It's my weight.

I feel like I've been stuggling with my weight for the last 20 years. Around the time I was 12 and13 my parents got divorced, I was in middle school (need I say more) and I began gaining weight. I had always thought I was a fat kid but one day I saw a picture of me just prior to this middle school time and I wasn't a fat kid. I remember thinking "wow! I was actually kind of a stick". And there is a period of time, a long time, where I don't recall a lot about my home life. Specifically the years my mom was married to my stepdad. And what I do remember was fighting and a lot of unhappiness. I remember lots of thing prior to this and after but for the 8 years they were married I don't remember more than the fighting and feeling like I didn't fit in at school. Although I always felt that way about school. Except college. I fit in there. And I loved that.

Anyway, this occured to me when I was talking to Morgan one night. As I mentioned I am blessed with many things in my life and one of those blessings in a wonderful husband who is my best friend. I know lots of women say that and it sounds cliche but he is. He loves me exactly as I am. Faults and all. So he knows how I feel about my weight. And as we were talking about this it occured to me that I started coping with my feelings by overeating when I was in middle school and all this home stuff was going on. I am not one of those people who sits around thinking "oh my life would be so wonderful if I had not had a crappy childhood." I am not that person. I hate that. I tend to focus on the changes and how to make them rather than the root or cause of something. But to associate this issue with something that happened was a huge thing for me. And kind of a place to start.

I associate my selfworth and my perception or value of myself with my weight. When I am heavy I am worthless. When I am skinny I have value and feel good about myself. I know all the things I need to do to achieve my weightloss goals. I have read countless books on diet and nutrition and fitness. I like to run and be active. But there is a little demon in me that rebells against this knowledge. And I can't get to a place where I can achieve my goals. I am hanging on to this fat for some reason. It sounds dumb but it's the truth. I'm insulating myself. Literally and figuratively! I cannot disconnect my weight from my self-worth. Even though I know everything I need to know. No one has to tell me I'm a good person. I know that. No one has to tell me they love me regardless of my weight. I know that too. But I don't. I don't love me no matter what. And that's the issue. And I think if I'm thin it will solve all the issues. And it won't. Which I know also!

So that's the challenge in my life. I have other minor ones. Which I probably cope with by eating chocolate and ice cream. But that's the big issue. And I'm sharing it because I know I'm not the only one.

The challenge for today is:

List 3 things you're really good at... blog about them.

1. I'm a good reader. I read well silently, outloud and upside down. I'm also a fairly quick reader.

2. Typing. I've had a lot of practice! My mom thought I should take a typing class in high school and it turned out to be a good thing.

3. Being creative. This is a hard thing for me to put down because I'm not always confident that it's true but sometimes if you believe something enough and have a bit of confidence then it can be the truth.

And a fun time...

was had by all! My girls weekend was great! I missed my boys but I sure had a good time with my girlfriends.

Maggie's dad flies his own plan so he came and picked us up on Friday afternoon and flew us over to Wausau. Here we all are at the welcome sign at the airport there. Here is the wonderful sunset from Friday evening.

We spent Friday night, most of Saturday, and early Sunday morning scrapping. I got up to month 8 in Owen's album! I had wanted to finish it but it wasn't to be. So I have 5 layouts left to do. Hopefully I will have time soon to crank those out. Between the three of us (Nik doesn't scrapbook) we completed 32 pages!

We toured scenic Wausau and saw the houses Maggie grew up in and all the schools she went to as well as her dad's company. We stopped at Michael's and JoAnn's for a couple of things and then had ice cream at a place called Brique's.

Maggie's parents house is beautiful. Right on the lake. We had a boat ride Saturday evening. It was better than a bed and breakfast! I slept in a king sized bed all by myself! Which only made sense since I am the smallest!! Nik, Mag, and Lori slept in another room altogether in twin sized beds! But they had their own little snoring symphony going on!

I haven't stayed up that late (willingly) drank that much (it wasn't THAT much, I'm a light weight) or laughed that hard in a long time! Lori was surprised to find out this was my first girls weekend. After I thought about it though, I did have one in college with my roommates. And I lived with 4 other girls in college for a year so that counts for something.

Our return trip on Sunday was a little bumpy. There were a couple of storm cells we had to fly between. It's a 45 minute trip which ended up being 50 because of the little reroute. Due to the storms there were some incredible clouds though!

Here I am on the plane.

Here is Maggie's dad getting all the instruments ready. Lori flew shotgun on the way back. She loved it!

And here is a shot of the clouds. We were between layers of clouds which was really neat. A bit bumpy but still cool.

Here is Minneapolis as we were flying in to the cities.

And here is St. Paul. If you are familiar with the area, we flew into the St. Paul airport.

How often to you get a view of the city like this! We had to bank kind of hard to come back around and land and it was scary and exciting all at the same time. I think I was less scared because I was too busy taking pictures!

And now for the cute Owen picture! Here is a little shot of him I took last week. I had been in the kitchen and he was in the living room playing with his books. When I went back into the living room he was sitting on the ledge of the fireplace "reading". He's not supposed to be up there but he was just so cute I had to get the camera.
And speaking of my little man. We were with my mom today and he was in the backseat jabbering away and she asked me if I thought he was saying "peek-a-boo". He makes some of the same sounds over and over but I don't always pay close attention and I guess she thought something he'd been saying sounded familiar and maybe it was "peek-a-boo. I said maybe, so I turned around and looked at him and said "peek-a-boo" and clear as day he said it right back! So my mom and I did it a few more times and he smiled and laughed and didn't say it again! Stinker. But it was so cute how he said it right back. So now I have to pay more attention to what he's jabbering because it could be words I will understand! He's been saying "hi" for a week or two now and he's even saying it to strangers. Morgan said he was saying "hi" to everyone he saw at the grocery store on Sunday and thought it was so great when people would say it back to him.

Okay. Off to iron Morgan a shirt and then read some Harry Potter before bed! I am almost 1/2 way through that monster of a book! Anyone else reading it??

Brownies and DMS...

For some reason during my "time of the month" I think brownies will make me feel better. I'm not one of those people who is a bear (insert other b-word here if it applies to you!) prior to the beginning of this time. But during I tend to have cramps that I don't enjoy. And my solution to the pain is chocolate! While at Target yesterday (and during the cramps) I bought a box mix and some hershey bars because it would surly help the pain! The brownies are a little under cooked but I guess for brownies it's not a big deal. They were great with some ice cream!

And now for the cute boy pictures....

Owen in his Tiger Chair.

Coloring this morning. I'm trying to acquaint him with crayons. It's a process. He's interested for a few short minutes and then....

In the mouth they go! So I take them out of his mouth and put them on the paper and tell him they don't go in his mouth, they are for using on paper. We go through this half a dozen times or so and then I'm done. The crayons get put away. Then he entertains himself with tipping over the table and the chair and pulling the paper off the table. It's a good time.

Last night I got together with The Girls. We went to Archiver's to pick out paper for some pages Maggie is working on. And Lori and Nikki came along because we are having a scrapping weekend this weekend at Maggie's parents house. Lori and Nikki were terribly helpful in the paper search (insert smartass comments here and paper choices that DID NOT apply to the theme!). After the paper selection we were going to head over to Starbucks to plan and strategize for our trip. However it was concluded that Starbucks was not a good idea, no booze. So we ended up at TGI Friday's with Mudslides and lots of laughter. I hadn't been out with them for ages and it was fun to see them for a bit. I am really looking forward to this weekend. I will miss Owen and I may even cry but I've never had a girls weekend and they are just so fun that we can't not have a good time. I think Maggie may be a bit nervous because we can be a bit obnoxious but we will be on our best behavior! And just having Maggie think we may embarrass her is more fun than doing it!

Late night fun...

Owen is back to sleeping peacefully after a little bout of "fit". I gave him a squirt of ibuprophen, washed down with some water and little dose of Elmo. No car Michele!! I was firmly instructed by Michele that I had to STOP the driving. I totally agree with her and only did it because I was at my wits end. So we've switched to Elmo. Hopefully he will keep pulling through. I think O might be having some growing pains because of all the walking but truthfully, it's just guess.

So here's the fun. I read this meme on someone's blog and thought I'd do it here just to share. So here's a little tid-bit about me.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not anyone... something... the Heather plant my grandma brought my mom when she was in the hospital when I was born. She had thought of naming me Stacy.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Hmmm... when I wrote about my grandpa and grandma on my blog the other day. I miss them.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING Yes. Mostly. I've had a lot of practice.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? I don't really care for lunch meat. It's sort of slimmy. I'm more of PBJ girl.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes. One furry 7 yr old greyhound. One 14 month old toddler. One lovely husband. ALL BOYS!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Perhaps. I'm kind and funny which are things I like in my own friends but I know all my own irritants so it's hard to say for sure.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Yes, it's part of my sense of humor. But I mostly use it with the people I'm closest too. Because they get it.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Absolutely not.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Life. But we are on a break from each other. I tend to eat one kind of cereal at a time and then have to switch because I've just had too much. So we are on a break.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Sometimes.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes. We all are when it's necessary.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? Peanut Butter Cup with Fudge. It's the Archer Farm's Brand. But I LOVE ice cream so I'm not super picky!
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? I guess it depends on the situation.
15. RED OR PINK? Red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Oh where to begin! I am my own worst enemy so there are lots of things I dislike. But it's consistently my arms. Non physical trait would be my perfectionism.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandpa

19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Purple pants, pink shoes. (Yes, this sounds silly but they are PJ's and crocs!)
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Tin Roof Sundae Ice Cream
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The whir of the ceiling fan
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? A shade of green. I'm not running downstairs to get them and decide which one.
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Spring air. Bread, brownies, or cookies baking. Owen's baby scent.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My MIL
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I copied it from someone's blog so this doesn't apply!
26. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Hockey and golf.
27. HAIR COLOUR? Strawberry Blonde
28. EYE COLOUR? Blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No
30. FAVOURITE FOOD? Cheeseburgers and fries. Okay, potatoes of any kind! And of course ICE CREAM.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Harry Potter #5
33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Neither
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? NA
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? NA
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? What to Expect... The Toddler Years. (Yes Mom, I got another book!)
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Roses
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Morgan and I are currently watching the episodes of season 3 of The Office
42. FAVOURITE SOUND? Silence
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Mexico
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I guess it all depends on what one defines as "special". (Only Michele will get this!)
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Forest Lake, MN
47. WHAT SUPERPOWER WOULD YOU LIKE? It's a toss up between Telekinesis and being able to wiggle my nose and make magic things happen!
48. WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED WITH THIS? Go to bed.

It's been a hard days night...

Are you wondering how it ended? Better yet, WHEN it ended? 4am. Yes, 4am. After I wrote my entry last night Morgan got up and went in O's room. He thought I was already in there. While he was getting Owen I was setting up and Elmo video. We watched Elmo Visits the Doctor for 40 minutes. He was calm. So I took him back to bed. Not 5 feet out the study door he was arching his back and throwing a fit. I kissed him good night and left the room hoping he was exhausted enough to fall asleep. Nope. Not yet. He's got a lot of endurance. At 3:15 he was screaming at the top of his lungs so I went in and got him out. I tried to hold him. I tried to put him down. He crawled around on the floor screaming his scary screaming cry. I turned on his fan. I turned on the lights. I turned off the lights. I got him so water. We went down to watch TV and cuddle. He wanted to scream and arch his back and dig his feet in my stomach. He did not want to be comforted. Finally with Owen over my shoulder I shoved on my shoes, grabbed my purse and left. The whole while he's screaming. He would not go in the seat willingly and kept arching his back and squirming. So as gently but firmly as possible I had to work him into the seat and strap him in. The while he is screaming and doing his nasty cry. Halfway down our street he finally took a breath. Only to scream more! He stopped about 3 miles down the road. I put in Kenny Loggins Return to Pooh Corner tape and sang to him and best I could (I'm not a good singer!) and he seemed to settle down. So we drove the streets of Brooklyn Center and Crystal for 45 minutes until I thought he was asleep enough so I could get him into the house and back to his crib. I had left a bunch of lights on so I left O in the car while I readied the path to his room from the car. I didn't want anything to wake him up. As usual the car door squeaked and the kitchen door squeaked but he stayed mostly asleep. He was back in his crib by 4am. So I returned to the couch to read and try to fall asleep. I must have because I woke up at a little after 8 when I heard Owen wake up and realized that Morgan had not left for work yet! He didn't get out the door until quarter to 9. He usually leaves by 6:30.

What person can have a 3 hour screaming fit with just a short 45 min Elmo break and still wake up at 8am??? It isn't me! But it is Owen! He's playing with his bowls now and was mostly himself when he woke up so I don't know what is going on! I just know I'm tired of it. I know why people choose a job and daycare over staying home. If I went to work I could at least sleep during my lunch break or while no one was looking!

1:45am...

Owen is in the midst of his nightly "fit". It started around 1 with some thrashing which eventually led to the screaming. During the thrashing and banging phase and went to the couch as our bed is on the other side of the wall from his crib and I can't sleep through anything noisy (I was already awake from listening to Morgan breathe). I turned on the furnace fan hoping a little air circulation and some more noise would help him back to sleep. I was wrong. I decided to let him cry because it doesn't seem to help when we go in anyway. We just end up driving him around for 45minutes to an hour and I'm not up for that anymore. I feel bad but he's just going to have to work it out. He has been relatively pleasant the last couple days and taking two good naps so I don't know why he's having these "fits". Suffice it to say no one is sleeping well in this house including Ludwig! He seems to be wearing down but he's a good little fighter so it may be a bit longer. Morgan hasn't gotten up yet so hopefully he's sleep through this. If not he's just thinking I'm not there so I must be doing something about it. Or like me, he's decided to do nothing also. I had considered doing some banging and thrashing because like Owen, I can't sleep. But I decided it best not to as I would probably knock something loose and cause myself serious harm or worse. Too bad it's now frowned upon to give children a little shot of "something" to help them sleep! Maybe I'll take it for him. At least one of us would be asleep, right?

Happy Hump day!

Nothing much exciting to write about today. The weather is lovely. Currently 72˙, low humidity, and partly sunny. My kind of weather. We have 1, maybe 2 more days and it's back to 90's. Yuck. That is NOT my kind of weather.

Waiting for the UPS man. I doubt he'll be here before I go to work. I'm waiting for a CTMH order. I ordered a new stapler. It's supposed to be really cool. I'll let you know!

Owen was not about to go to sleep last night. We put him down only to end up listening to him scream for 45 minutes. We thought he'd finally go to sleep. Nope. Morgan got him out and we put him in the wagon and went for a good long walk. I read him Good Night Moon when we got back and put him down about 9:40pm. He did sleep through the night though. I don't know what this screaming is about. We have had the same bedtime routine since he was about 4 months old. We haven't changed anything so there must be something going on with him. I am not good with unpredictability. I like things to go the same everyday.

And now for the random photos part of my entry....

Ludwig hanging in the shade

Owen hanging in the pool

A little fishy in the pool

A little froggy on a towel

The 2P's challenge for today: If you could go back and have one more day with someone. Who would it be and why? Could be an old friend or someone from high school...

It would be my grandpa. He died suddenly and I hadn't seen him for a while prior to his death. I miss him a lot and I would liked to have seen him one last time. And second would be my grandma. She also died suddenly, after she had come home from the hospital. Morgan and I were away chaperoning a confirmation retreat and had planned to go see her after we got back. When we got back my mom called to tell us she had died.

Some days your the windshield...

some days your the bug. And today I would be the bug. Owen is all out of sorts. I put him down for his regular morning nap. He was cranky! He needed a nap. He fell asleep. And was asleep for about 15 minutes. And then started fussing and really hasn't stopped for the last hour or so. Well, he was fine in the exersaucer while I was in the shower. Then I took him out to play while I finished dressing and he proceeded to hit his head on the table. TWICE! Then he tried to pry my toothbrush out of my mouth. (I was brushing while he was hitting his head). I thought maybe we would go for a ride and run some errands but he is so crabby and tired. So I put him back in his crib for a nap and put in some ear plugs. He's still fussing but at least it's a very muffled sound.

I've about had it with this crabby, cranky, independent streak. Which I'm sure is going to last until he's at least 25.
So here is a cute picture to remind me of what a lovey baby he really is. These are his new favorite toys. Mixing bowls. 4 sizes. This is the giant one. We hit them with a mixing spoon to make "music". Owen also likes to sit on them and put toys in them. And he especially likes it when I put one on my head.

Yesterday we had some thunderstorms and with that a power outage. For 4 hours! I shouldn't complain. There were people who still didn't have power this morning. Luckily Marc and Nikki were home so we went to visit them for a couple of hours. Morgan helped Marc with the poker table he's making and O and I chatted with Nik and played with the puppy and and kitty.

One last tid bit for today. I get a daily quote e-mail from Runner's World everyday. Even though I'm not running! Today's quote was:

"Don't ever accept anyone else's preconceived limitations. If there's something you want to do, there isn't any reason you can't do it." Amy Dodson, running amputee

I think it's my favorite so far. And I think it just might help me start running again. I find that I am most often the biggest barrier in accomplishing the things I want to do. Which is ironic considering I was raised to believe I could do or be whatever I wanted. (Thanks mom!) But for some reason I have forgotten that. Maybe I need to set some more goals. Some days I get hung up on and depressed about being "just" a wife and mother. But they are wonderful things to do. I just want to be more. Maybe that is selfish. I just always saw my own mother as so much more. But then we don't often view ourselves as others do, do we?

And now I think we will be taking a ride.... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ( I will not lose my cool.....) 7... 8... 9... 10.........

Holiday recap...

Independence has taken on a whole new meaning in our house recently. Owen is practicing his walking every chance he gets. He's also practicing throwing a fit by throwing his head back when we pick him up or rolling around on the floor and crying.
He loves to get into the baking cabinet in the kitchen. There isn't much in there that he shouldn't have so we let him explore.

Bowls are always lots of fun!

On Wednesday we went hiking out in Afton State Park. It was hot and humid so we didn't last as long as we would have liked to. It was Owen's first time riding in the hiking pack. He seemed to be fine with it.

Here are a few of my moss studies! I enjoyed the hike more after I found something to take pictures of! Morgan decided I wasn't as slow as he thought. I just stopped so much to take pictures!

After our hike we went to my mom's house for dinner with her and Miranda. After dinner Owen went in the "pool" with daddy.
The hot tub is just the right sized pool for Owen! It's smaller and more interesting than a regular pool and also a bit warmer!
Morgan went in too. Which is always good for Owen and bad for me. I ended up getting wet even though I wasn't in the pool. They both love squirty toys.

Doin' the very happy dance!!!

Before I left for work today I got a phone call. I thought it was going to my sister since it was about the time she usually gets there so I thought maybe she was running late. It wasn't her though. It was a woman from the Nature Center at Three Rivers Park District calling to tell me I had won second place in the plants category for the ametuer photography contest! I had just been checking online to see if the winners were posted but didn't find anything and had sort of forgotten about it. The photographs were judged on the 28th and since I hadn't heard anything I was checking into it and decided I hadn't won since I hadn't heard anything. I was so excited! There were 80 entries. 3 categories and 3 winners for each category. I won a gift certificate for National Camera. Which is great since it's where I shop for my camera stuff!

You can view the photograph here. It's the last picture.