Monday, October 12, 2009

Right now...

I haven't posted in quite awhile. Lots of things have happened or have been happening. So I thought I'd do an easy post about right now.

Morgan is baking chocolate donuts. It's an experiment. I love his baking experiments. Especially when it involves chocolate.

Owen is still talking to himself in his room. But he's in his room so I'm fine with it.

I'm anxious about the test results from my thyroid biopsy. The dr. said the results would be back mid week and they called today. It's Monday. I went in Friday. That's fast. And I wasn't home when they called and I didn't get the message until 5:45pm. I have to wait until tomorrow. Which may mean a sleepless night.

Or not, since I'm drinking a skinny pirate. My new drink. Which I discovered at Carrie's house where we held book club. We had rum and coke as a tribute to Nikki. We read The Boy in Striped Pajamas. It was her pick. Today we played at Carrie's house and she sent a 1/4 full bottle of Capt. Morgan home with me.

I need to do another test for the endocrinologist this week too. Which means another blood draw. But no needles in the neck. So I should be fine.

I exercised today. 20 minutes on the treadmill and level one of the 30 day shred. I didn't die. I can't believe I've gotten so fat and out of shape.

I miss Nikki a lot. Although I've gone several days without crying. There are often many moments during the day when I am overcome with the sense of loss that I won't be able to share something with her. Like the silly things that Owen does. Or a little gripe about something. Or something I'm irate about that I know she'd understand. I had expected to be much older when my close friends started dying. I'm also mad at God about the unfairness of her dying. But I'm okay with that. And I think he is too. Another wise friend told me it's okay to be mad at Him. He's big enough to take it. I hope so, because I might be mad for awhile.

Our Pastor's cancer has returned. He was diagnosed with lymphoma a year and a half ago or so. He went through all the treatment and a stem cell transplant. We was doing well. He went in for a check-up and they found it had returned. I'm tired of cancer and it's evils. I think it's something I wouldn't wish on the worst of people. It's horrible and destructive. Both to bodies and families. How is it that doctors and scientists can come up with so many amazing treatments and ideas but they can't find a cure for cancer. Or acne. How is that?

We are going to watch Pam and Jim's wedding tonight. Finally!

I love the show Glee. If I had been a more confident person in high school and there had been a show choir or glee club, I may have participated.

We had snow today. But it should all melt tomorrow. I was enjoying fall up until the snow. Owen looked out the garage today on the way to his school and said, "look, it's winter!"

My sewing machine and I are on the outs. Mostly it's my issue. I've got a bunch of items to finish up for the etsy shop and I am trying to use a new presser foot that is not easy to use!

I am doing a bigger family portrait session on Halloween morning.

Feeling a little blah right now in life. I dislike these periods a lot. But I've learned that I need to wait them out. Mostly. And just try to do the best I can while I am blah. Because it will pass. It always does.


emily said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much. take care of yourself. Take in moments with your family and do some good things for yourself....

Noelia said...

There's a lot on your plate right now and it's ok to feel the way you do. You're entitled to grieve and mourn in your own way and I agree that when you're angry at God, He understands and can most definitely take it. Hang in there my friend, I will come and visit more often. Hugs

Janet said...

I agree with Emily and Noelia. You have a lot to manage right now. Your post is thoughtful and honest. It's good to get those feelings out in the open. {hugs} to you, Heather.

jillconyers said...

Ditto what the previous commenters said :) And good luck with the test results. I've never heard of a skinny pirate.