Tuesday, October 20, 2009


I am not a person with much regret. I guess I really don't believe in it. I tend to see myself as more optimistic than pessimistic and more hopeful than not. I try to learn from my mistakes and grow from them and make the choices that I think are best at the time. But sometimes one cannot live without at least a few regrets.

One of my most recent ones is not recording the voice message Nikki left for Owen on his birthday. She called him on his birthday from the hospital, her first stay, and left a lovely message wishing him a happy birthday. I kept the message on as long as I could but one day it came to expire and I let Morgan erase it. At the time I felt a twinge of regret but I believed in my heart that she would be here for his next birthday and many more. Unfortunately that isn't how it has worked out. And often I hear her voice in the message. The sweetness in the way she talked to him. She loved Owen and he loved her. And I so wish I had taken the time to record it on a tape so he could hear it someday. It was not the last time I talked to her but it seems to be what I keep coming back to when I think of her voice.

A couple weeks ago I started a post about her. One that started writing itself in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. But when I sat down to write it it just didn't come out the way it had written itself in my mind. So bit by bit in a post here and there things will trickle out. Memories. Moments. Bits and pieces of how we loved her and our friendship. And how terribly much we miss her. And will always miss her.

1 comment:

Janet said...

Awwww, {BIG HUGS} to you, Heather! What a beautiful tribute to your friend.