It's been 2 years since my dear, sweet friend Nikki passed away. And yet it was just yesterday that she stopped over to see me and O and share that she was pregnant. Just yesterday she called to say her beautiful baby girl had come early and she was now part of the c-section club. Just yesterday that she was pulling me down the hallway in a wagon after school. And singing with a margarita and playing inappropriate rap music for my little baby Owen and planning how parades and so many other things would go so much more smoothly if she were just in charge. And so many, many other wonderful things that seemed to have happened just yesterday.
Some days I still wake and realize that she is gone and my heart aches for the loss of her and all that she is missing and what we are missing by not having her here. Life does continue on after the loss of a loved one but the grief is still right under the surface. Especially when the loss is so incomprehensible.
Not too long ago I had a dream with Nikki in it. I don't recall the specifics of it but I remember waking up with that sinking feeling, that is reality. But I was also happy for the dream because she was there in it alive and well and talking back to me. I still talk to her. About the things I would talk to her about if she were here. And I try to imagine what she would say.